In The News ...

An Australian couple is in trouble for naming their children Kitchen, Bedroom and Garage after the rooms where they were conceived.

--In a related story, Celine Dion has named her new baby boy, Petri Dish. (Voldseth)

According to Time Magazine: in the last six months of 2000, there 36,000 jobs lost in the Internet industry. Economists say they haven't seen this many positions eliminated since Madonna stopped dating. (Steve Voldseth)

Clean Living: A man in India claims he hasn't eaten any food for more than a year, he survives on air. 64-year old Hira Manek drinks a cup of water each day, he says sunlight and air are all he needs to stay alive. His doctor recently suggested he needs more fiber in his air--so he's moving to New Jersey. (Toms Lake Humor Company - http://www.tomslake.com)

Marry A Billionaire: So how does Anna Nicole Smith plan to spend her $500 million inheritance? There's a report she will open her own Las Vegas hotel. She'll sit in the lobby- -keeping an eye out for rich old guys--and then whisper in their ear: 'Come up to my room. I'm on the 35th floor. Take the stairs'. (Toms Lake Humor Company - http://www.tomslake.com

This Is A Test: The town of Voorhees, New Jersey is selling home alcohol testing kits for $7 dollars to parents who suspect their children may have a drinking problem. If the test results are positive, parents are then notified by mail with an envelope that says in big bold letters "Congratulations! You may already be the parents of our next president!" (Voldseth)

The Gloved One: According to US Weekly magazine, Michael Jackson asked morning show host, Katie Couric out on a date. I guess she politely declined. On the bright side, I just won this year's "Pick the Day Michael Jackson Does Something Creepy" office pool. (Steve Voldseth)

Bare Truth: "Beautiful actress Sarah Jessica Parker from 'Sex and the City' has a clause in all of her movie contracts. A standard clause: 'No nudity.' She will not do nude scenes. Why is it always actresses like Parker and Julia Roberts with 'No nudity' clauses? . . . How come it's never Darva Conger, Paula Jones?" (Jay Leno)

Capt. Outrageous: CNN founder Ted Turner is in talks to buy a stake in NTV, a private Russian television network. The price is a whopping $500 billion rubles, which is roughly $19 U.S. dollars. (Jim Rosenberg)

Hall of Famer: The Bowling Hall of Fame has inducted Dagwood Bumstead -- better known as 'Blondie's' husband. Dagwood once bowled a 900 series. Wait just a doggone minute!! Dagwood Bumstead is a fictional character in a cartoon strip. Next thing ya know, they'll be telling us Rex Morgan MD is the new Surgeon-General! (Toms Lake Humor Company - http://www.tomslake.com)

Vote Early, Vote Often: Mississippi's state flag also has a Confederate insignia on it, but lawmakers there agreed to put the issue to a statewide vote in April. Now if they get all those punch-card ballot machines moved from Florida in time. (Richard Burkard/ http://www.LaughLine.com)