In The News ...

Cirque d' O.J.: In an interview in the current National Enquirer, former O.J. Simpson girlfriend, Christie Prody says that O.J. told her details about the Nicole Brown-Ron Goldman killings that only the killer would know. Asked to comment, O.J. said this is the worst thing he's seen in print since the Sixth Commandment. (Steve Voldseth)

Rapper: Maybe you heard about Eminem's problems in Canada. Some folks in Toronto say they don't appreciate the violent content of Eminem's songs. Canadians believe violence should be placed where it belongs. On the ice--with a bunch of guys carrying hockey sticks. TOMS LAKE HUMOR COMPANY http://www.tomslake.com

Cancelled: NBC has scrapped plans for a reality show called 'Chains of Love'. Four people would have been chained to a member of the opposite sex, and then released one at a time. Producers canceled the show--saying it just wasn't ridiculous enough. (Toms Lake)

Castro Continued: Raul Castro will succeed his brother Fidel as leader of Cuba. Experts predict he will keep the country headed in the same direction. To South Florida. (Alan Ray)

QE India: Queen Elizabeth will tour India soon. There's probably only one other place with a history of British rule that she has visited less. Prince Philip's bedroom. (Ray)

Shot Shortage: There's a shortage of flu shots for the winter. That's not good news for people trying to fight off the Atlanta Braves virus. First you're lethargic, then you choke. (Ray)

Video Guys: The space shuttle Discovery has successfully docked with the International Space Station on a mission to hook up video transmission cables. Space-walking astronauts are expected to begin work sometime today between the hours of 8 AM and 12 PM. (Steve Voldseth)

Tiger: Tiger Woods has signed a 5-year $100 million Nike deal. This marks the first time Nike has paid anyone of Thai descent more than 11 cents an hour." (Jay Leno)

Like A Virgin: The British government is spending $87 million to promote virginity. Their first step - kicking all seven dentists out of the country. (Bill Williams)

New Law: There's a new campaign getting underway, urging lawmakers to pass legislation stopping drug stores from selling tobacco. Wait a minute--think about it! Aren't drug stores the ONLY places that should be selling that stuff? TOMS LAKE HUMOR COMPANY http://www.tomslake.com)

Chelsea Moving: Chelsea Clinton may do graduate work at Oxford next year. Right now she's doing an independent study on great battles and skirmishes of the late 20th Century. It's titled "Marriage and the Family". (Ray)

Deadline Done: NBC has axed the drama "Deadline". Focus groups told the network what they think of the show. If people wanted to root for an ornery, condescending journalist, more would watch Bryant Gumbel. (Ray)