The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar

You Know You're DOOMED When...

It's Monday and the first email you read is from your Boss saying, "Read and weep my friends!!"

You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.

This Crapolla is sponsored by...

In This Issue...

Nothing News.

Take a Letter

Hey Fek,

My manager keeps talking about something called a "Tipping Point". What's that?

Glad you asked. The Tipping Point is that last bit of bullshit your manager can give you before everything falls apart. You know like when he says, "We have to work smarter, not harder", and then he buries you with six more projects. Or when he says, "It's not a lay off, we're getting rid of the lowest 5 percent." And then he takes the six projects the lower 5 percent was doing and heaps it onto your desk, which then Tips Over.

What's Up With The Paper Towels?

Have you noticed this? You go to the restroom, wash your hands (you're doing that, right?) and as you're ready to leave you see that the other guy is opening the down with a paper towel.

It's not just one guy, everyone is doing this. All of a sudden, everyone is afraid to "catch something". Are we all suddenly without immune systems?

When I was a kid, I played in the creek, got really filthy, cuts, burns, you name it. Now I do wash my hands after going to the head, but I don't do the paper towel trick. I haven't missed a day of work due to illness for years. My theory is that if you get cuts and burns and rub dirt in them, you get a lot of tiny infections which creates a strong immune system. Assuming you survive childhood, you end up being a healthy adult.

What about today's kids? I think if you have a kid today, you need to kick them out of the house after school. Why? Because the video game generation isn't developing an immune system.

Wanna be healthy? Stop being so clean. Get out there and get filthy!

Is There Any News Left?

It kills me that there are so many 24 hour news stations and they very rarely have a newscast.

Have you watched CNN, Fox, CNBC, MSNBC, etc? Most of the programs are personality driven editorial programs. The host is going to tell you what he thinks, and you are supposed to swallow it. They hang a tiny piece of news in front of you and then they go to a panel of "experts" who debate the news.

It's not necessary to debate the news. The news is the news. We don't need to argue about it. But what's even worse are the people doing the debating. They seem to be under the impression that the person who talks the loudest wins.

This is the same clap-trap that the "Politically Correct" morons on college campuses are taught. They think that if they mob and scream so no one else's opinion can be heard, they have won an intellectual argument. This blows me away because supposedly these screamers are the intellectual cream of the crop in America. I guess these idiots grow up to be network news producers.

Of all the cable news channels the only one that comes close to a newscast is CNBC. But they only have this program on three days a week. It seems CNBC isn't a true believer in news.

This program is an hour long, but manages to present less news than Dan Rather in his 30 minutes. I counted one day, in an hour CNBC presented five stories. Rather presented about fifteen.

This Issue's Headline submission to the National Daily World Enquiring Globe.

Martha Goes Nuts!

Spam Chili Used as Evidence of New Insanity Defense!

Let's play, "Who said this?"

Heard in the halls of various software companies.

"She's very short. It's easy to say things that are over her head."

"Have you been through the portal of joy?"
"uhh... You know I'm a married man, right?"

"Here's how it is. Either we share, or you do without."

"If you're sending it Ground to Australia, there's going to be problems. They'll have to put water wings on the UPS truck."

"My Veggie Burger came complete with little bits of soy which simulate grissel."

Excuse Me

Time to go practice my English.

Fek'Lar
(The Last Honest Geek)

Remember: The Crapolla contains my personal opinions. That's right they're mine, so get your own! And you kids get off my lawn! This whole mess is copyright © 2004 by LowComDom Performances, all rights reserved. Wanna send this to your friends? Go ahead and pass out the URL.

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EOJ

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