The Dictionary - O

Obamabots

1. 20-somethings in the United States of America who sign up for email alerts, pages, and Twitters from President Barack Obama, and believe everything this politician says. Many make Star Trek fans look normal.

Observatory

1. What Washington asked his spies to do.

Obsolescence

1. What happens to your computer and software after you get it set-up and working the way you want.

Obsolete

1. Any computer you own.

Ocean

1. What the bathroom floor looks like after bath night for kids, assorted pets, two or three full-sized towels and several dozen toy boats, cars and animals.

Oedipus Rex

1. The original Mother Fucker.

Off-Campus Parking

1. Ample extra parking usually found in an adjoining county.

Office Automation

1. The use of computers to improve efficiency in the office by removing anyone you would want to talk with over coffee.

Officialese

1. A government language where you can understand the words, but not the sentences.

Oh...

1. The third word a Convenience Store Clerk learns. To conclude our conversation...
   YOU: I'd like change for a dollar.
   HIM: Huh?
   YOU: I said, I want change for a dollar.
   HIM: What?
   YOU: These aren't the droids you're looking for.
   HIM: These aren't the droids I'm looking for.
   YOU: I'd like change for a dollar.
   HIM: Oh...

Ohnosecond

1. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize you've just made a big mistake.

On-Line

1. Where You Hang Your Laundry To Dry.
2. The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.

On-Time

1. An obscure term, meaning unknown.

One

1. Slightly more than none.

Oologist

1. A pusher for egg-suckers.

Open

1. Allowing unobstructed entrance and exit; not shut, as in mouth.
2. The position of children's mouths when they eat in front of company.

Open-Collar Workers

1. People who work at home or telecommute.

Optimist

1. One who thinks he/she will never do anything stupid again.
2. A man who thinks his wife quit smoking cigarettes when he finds cigar butts around the house.
3. A husband who goes down to the marriage license bureau to see if his has expired.
4. Day-dreamer more elegantly spelled.
5. A man who hopes that all women are bad.

Oral Contraceptive

1. The word "no."

Order of Sharps

1. What a wimp gets at the bar.

Organ Transplant

1. What you do to your piano when you move.

Orgasm

1. The punchline some women just don't get, generally because their mates have a tendency to rush through the joke.
2. The gland finale.

Oriental Grocery Clerk

1. A Chinese checker.

Osteopornosis

1. A degenerate disease.

Othello

1. Unless you're an English major, who really cares?

OTOH

1. On The Other Hand.

Ouija Board

1. A device used by Yes Men.

Out

1. Where your roommate always is when one of the 35 clubs she belongs to calls with a very important message.

Oven

1. Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Overstuffed Recliner

1. Mom's nickname for Dad.

Ow

1. The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

Oxyacetylene Torch

1. Used almost entirely for lighting those stale garage cigarettes you keep hidden in the back of the Whitworth socket drawer (What wife would think to look in there?) because you can never remember to buy lighter fluid for the Zippo lighter you got from the PX at Fort Campbell.

Oxygen

1. The periodic table of the elements' little slut.

Oyster

1. A person who sprinkles his or her conversation with Yiddish expressions.