LowComDom Performances Presents
The Crapolla According to Fek'Lar
You Know You're DOOMED When...
Your manager takes half the people off your project and then looks at you like you farted in an elevator when you tell him the deadline won't be met.
You've stumbled onto another issue of The Crapolla, a journal written for software professionals. No not the managers; I mean the people who do the work.
This Crapolla is sponsored by...
[an error occurred while processing this directive]
In This Issue...
This Issue's Contest Entry
In the last issue we wrote:
Here's a contest.
Name the roast!
Bill Reviea decided to spin the wheel and take his chances. Bill Wrote:
Hmmm.. It's not dark enough to be a good espresso doppo, not shiny enough to be french. I lay my money (all none of it) on it being that crap wanna be italian roast that the coffee service leaves laying around the break room at room temperature?
Let's see what the Belgian judge decided...
Answers are judged on Logic, Technical Accuracy, Creativity, and of course Correctness. There is a bonus factored in if you can somehow slam Micro$oft or $tarbucks in your answer. Since this is a binary world, you get a 1 or a 0 for each category to be multiplied by the Correctness factor.
Logic Score = 1
- sound logic, process of elimination
Technically Accuracy Score = 1
- the coffee service does leave italian roast laying around the break room at room temperature.
Creativity Score = 1
- good read
Correctness Score = 0
- close don't cut it
The Belgian judge gives you an overall score of (1+1+1)*0 = 0
You know how badly last year's movies SUCKED? Well my friends if the trailers I just saw are any indication, this year's flicks are going to suck just as bad. Of five trailers shown, four had something to do with teenagers looking to get lucky. Maybe I'll just keep going to see Star Wars over and over again.
Monica Lewinsky Contracts Cervical Cancer from Presidential Stogies
Surgeon General considering new warning labels for humidors.
For those wondering, I am not the person who put the "No Vacancy" sign on the Santa Clara City Limit marker. It's the sort of thing I sit up all night trying to think of. But no, I can't take credit for it.
Let's play, "Who said this?"
Heard in the halls of various software companies.
"Do you realize I just spent $500 on a piece of plastic and sand?"
"The names have changed but we're still doomed."
"Microsoft can't own everything"
"The product should ship on time, but we will need to send the documentation out as a patch release..."
"He used to be a manager. Then he recovered."
"since being quoted in the crapolla, i feel as if i have truely arrived in the valley and have been initiated into the bitterly, over-worked, uncaring, nerf-throwing, cant dress themselves technical geek that i never wanted to become, but seemed to be suck into club. Thanks for the honor."
"We have 'Hot-Swapable' Vice Presidents"
"Anyone heard from Bob lately?"
I need to plug in a new VP of Standbyability & Pigeons.
(Destroyer of Laptops - Morale Officer - The Last Honest Geek)
Remember: The Crapolla contains my personal opinions. That's right they're mine, so get your own! And you kids get off my lawn! This whole mess is copyright © 1999 by LowComDom Performances, all rights reserved. Wanna send this to your friends? Go ahead and pass out the URL.
Hey, you can subscribe to this rag by sending a message to email@example.com. On the first line of your letter type subscribe crapolla. Unsubscribing is the same, just change the command to unsubscribe crapolla
feed available from http://www.lowcomdom.com/crapolla/index.rss