An Alien's Point Of View

First, lemme tell you one litlle thing ya won't believe: I am an alien. Since the Earth is not very popular between aliens, it is a pretty darn good chance that I am the only alien you know, so you might as well call me THE alien.

I come from another universe. Where is that? That's bloody difficult to explain in my natural, instant-telepathic communication system, not to mention English.

Being here for the first time, I got things pretty much mixed up... at the beginning, at least. It was obvious which of the speciess was the most successful and better prepared. Both agile hunters and affectionate parents. Great nature lovers. Wonderful perception of the world. They were so evolved that even they managed to enslave another species and keep them happy. Talking about their servants...

They used to go twice a day for a walk with their masters. If any master would meet another one of this kind, the servants would stop and wait. If the master would have defecated on the sidewalk, most of the slaves would clean the mess. Enough! Quite soon I found out that dogs are not the masters and men not the slaves!

After that, I found out that mankind is divided into two genders.

Kinky!

Right now, I am no longer so sure that there are two genders. I have a theory that man and woman are different species. Look at the dog, again. Male and female look and act mostly the same. But man and woman! They don't do things the same way. They don't dress the same, they don't think the same, they don't eat the same, they don't have sex the same. They don't spend the time the same way. They don't even smoke the same. I found out that there is only one thing that they do the same: They defecate quite the same way. BUT! They don't even wipe their butts the same.

I figure that female is actually a symbiotic species that mankind uses for reproduction. Or, could be vice-versa, men are parasites on women. I just have to study more.

I figure that I am the only alien here, but I also suspect that on earth there are descendents of another alien speciess. Those are cats. Their ancestors probably remained stranded on earth. Just look at the cat and you'll see the deep disrespect that he has for you. Cat's ancestors were certainly alien.

It seems that there is also a third human species on earth. They do not act like men, nor like women. They are the politicians. They would do anything to please both men and women; to me, they look like the only thing that man and woman do the same (see up in the text!)