Signs You Need A New Lawyer

1. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.

2. He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."

3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.

4. He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."

5. During the trial you catch him playing his Pokeman.

6. He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."

7. A court security guard begins shaving your head.

8. Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.

9. He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.

10. He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.

11. He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..."

12. He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Jesse Jackson.

13. Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"

14. Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

15. The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 11:25 AM."

16. Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."

17. He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."

18. His flat fee is $2,500 for your case, BUT he will give you double your money back if he wins your case.

19. The name of his law firm is Goldberg, Goldman, Mandlebaum, and Cohen. His name is Pedro Jesus Sanchez.