Hebonics

The Encino School Board has declared Jewish English a second language. Backers of the move say the district is the first in the nation to recognize Hebonics as the language of many American Jews.

In Hebonics, questions are always answered with questions:

Question: "How do you feel?"

Hebonics response: "How should I feel?"

The sarcastic repetition of words by adding "sh" to the front is used for emphasis: mountains becomes "shmountains"; turtle becomes "shmurtle."

Sample Usage Comparisons:

Standard English Phrase: "He walks slowly"

Hebonics Phrase: "Like a fly in the ointment he walks."

English: "Sorry, I don't know the time"

Hebonics: "What do I look like, a clock?"

English: "I hope things turn out okay"

Hebonics: "You should BE so lucky!"

English: "I see you're wearing one of the ties I gave you."

Hebonics: "What's the matter, the other tie you didn't like?

English: "Anything can happen."

Hebonics: "Things are never so bad that they can't get worse"

English: "May I take your plate sir?"

Hebonics: "You've hardly touched your food. What's the matter, something's wrong with it?"

English: "It's been so long since you've called."

Hebonics: "You didn't wonder if I'm dead yet?"

English: "Let's not go skiing, lets go to the beach."

Hebonics: "Mountains, shmountains! Do I look like a sled to you?