Why Chanukah is Better Than Christmas

Eight days of presents (in theory, anyway).

No need to clean the chimney.

There's no latke-nog.

Burl Ives doesn't sing Chanukah songs.

You won't be pressured to buy Chanukah Seals.

You won't see, "You're a Putz, Charlie Brown."

No barking dog version of "I had a Little Driedl."

No pine needles to vacuum up afterwards.

Blintzes are cheaper to mail than fruitcakes.