In The News ...

GOP Fundraiser: Several energy industry executives were on the guest list for the Republican gala. One official with the American Gas Association reportedly paid 250-thousand dollars! [True/NBC] We'd love to follow that man for a week, and see if he gripes about high gasoline prices like the rest of us.... (Richard Burkard/ http://www.LaughLine.com)

Relocate NFL: The NFL has realigned its divisions. The change is necessary from a logistical standpoint. This will allow teams to play closer to their probation officers. (Ray)

Medical Marvel: "Researchers at the University of Vermont say diabetics may soon be able to do away with the current insulin by injection method and treat themselves with a powder that can be inhaled. I don't know... isn't that how Jerry Garcia died?" (Jim Barach - WTVH Syracuse)

It's The Economy Stupid: NBC News noted the new tax relief law has 186 pages of text - and 227 pages of explanations! You'd think with George W. Bush as President, we'd have a "Tax Reform for Dummies" version. (Burkard)

Jenna Bush: The Secret Service is responsible for keeping an eye on Jenna Bush. How many lights does she have in her dorm room? Two. Miller and Michelob. (Alan Ray)

AMTRAK Troubles: Amtrak is in big financial trouble. It's forced cutbacks at all levels of operation. On long cross country trips, engineers now have to drink cheaper vodka. (Ray)

Great moments in TV news: ABC News showed an obviously wrong statistic Thursday night. It claimed 8,000 to 9,000 people are kidnapped in Colombia every DAY! If that's true, in about 15 years every person in that country will be held hostage - and who will be left to win the beauty contests? (Burkard)

Jeb Bush: Florida Governor Jeb Bush denies rumors that he was unfaithful to his wife last year. Dishonesty is not in his character. Besides, he was too busy rigging an election. (Ray)

I'll Be Back: Hollywood insiders say the script for "Terminator 3" is coming along. One rumor is the sequel may pair a female cyborg with the main character, played-- of course-- by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Producers are looking to cast the part of an unfeeling, near-human female who is unstoppable. Sources say if she's not tied up running for President, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton might be able to take the role. (Patrick M. Rhody - PMRhody@aol.com)

Do You Take This Woman, And This One, And This One...In Utah, a man who had appeared on "The Jerry Springer Show" bragging about his five wives was convicted in the first prosecution for polygamy in almost 50 years. New York Mayor Rudy Guiliani says, "I guess out in Utah, they haven't figured out yet that it works just the same if you don't actually marry all the women you're sleeping with." (Rhody)