In The News ...

Hold Up: In Wisconsin, a man held up a drugstore and demanded Viagra. --Police are describing the man as "armed and amorous." --This is true, the man told a drugstore clerk he had a gun and then demanded Viagra--to which the clerk replied, "Is that a gun in your pocket... or is that a gun in your pocket?" --If captured, Wisconsin officials say the Viagra bandit could end up in prison under the state's new get tough policy "Three strikes and you're up." (Voldseth)

Stock Shrinkage: A medical report released last week has linked the use of Viagra to five cases of blindness. Shortly after the release of the news, the stock price of Pfizer, the makers of Viagra, took a severe dip, stayed there for about an hour and then shot straight up. (Voldseth)

It's The Economy Stupid: It was this week in 1831 that first American bank robbery occurred when Edward Smith stole $245,000 dollars from a New York City bank. Just to put that in perspective, 245,000 "1831" dollars in today's economy would be worth... (oh, say) 245,000 dollars. (Voldseth)

Disease Control: President George W. Bush told reporters today he is committed to protecting the U.S. from the disastrous spread of foot-in-mouth disease. (Marc Wallace)

Jacko Honored: Michael Jackson has been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. What an honor for the pop icon. To be recognized by a jury of his peers not in Santa Barbara County. (Ray)

(Fresh from her canceled TV show "Suddenly Susan,") Actress Brooke Shields will appear in a special episode of "Just Shoot Me" in which people watching at home will get to choose the ending. Kind of exciting. Viewers will choose from three possible endings: "A", "B," and "Immediately." (Steve Voldseth)

Big Drop: Wall Street remains jittery. How can you tell when a stockbroker is on top at his firm? He gets his own private window ledge. (Ray)

Safety Sucks: President Bush has signed a repeal of workplace safety rules. He's open to exceptions. Those with carpal tunnel syndrome should e-mail him a 16 page document supporting their claims. (Ray)

Johann Sebastian Bach was born on this day in 1685. In related entertainment news, upon hearing that plans for a film based on the composer's life were scrapped due to lack of a suitable male star, Arnold Schwarzenegger said, "I'll be Bach." (Voldseth)

Benefit: Singer Harry Belafonte has agreed to perform at a Lincoln Center benefit concert aimed at improving U.S. relations with Cuba. Reached for comment, Belafonte said, "I'm very excited about singing at the benefit but when daylight come, I wan go home." (Steve Voldseth)

Action Figure: Woolworth's is refusing to sell the new tattooed and chainsaw-carrying Eminem action figure saying the doll doesn't fit the store's image. In a related story, Woolworth's says they're also not selling the new Jean Claude Van Damme action figurine. They have plenty of them, they're just not selling. (Voldseth)

Hoof & Mouth: British soldiers today continued digging huge pits for the burial of up to half a million carcasses in the ongoing fight against foot-and-mouth disease. Many British residents didn't know what to make of the gruesome scene until someone explained the "Far Side" caption to them. (Voldseth)