In The News ...

Pep Talk--for a Price: "Secretary of State Colin Powell walked into the State Department media room and gave reporters a pep talk about America and its values. . . . Old habits die hard. After his speech, he handed them a bill for $75,000." (Argus Hamilton)

Bush Relations: Another upcoming issue for President Bush is race relations. He says he wants to "look at all opportunities" to end racial profiling. But so far, Mr. Bush hasn't been able to get A&E to stop showing "Biography." (Richard Burkard/ http://www.LaughLine.com)

Women On The Edge: After three months, two former schoolteachers have become the first women duo to ski 2400 miles, unaided, across Antarctica.

--The women made the trip in a record three months, despite stopping for an hour every afternoon to watch "Oprah."

--President Bush congratulated the two women on their visit to Antarctica and then asked them to say "hello" to their Uncle Arctica, as well. (Steve Voldseth)

Happy Nupts: According to the terms of a prenuptial agreement, Michael Douglas has agreed to pay Catherine Zeta-Jones five million dollars if he cheats on her with another woman. To his credit, Michael says he didn't think twice about signing the agreement, because--well, frankly, he's got enough dough to make it through the end of July. (Steve Voldseth)

Film Deal: It's being reported that Britney Spears has just signed a deal for her first feature film. I believe they calling it-"Dude, Where's the Rest of My 15 Minutes?" (Voldseth)

"WASSSUP!" was voted 2000's most-hated catch phrase. Ironically, it was also voted 2000's most intelligent catch phrase used at a college frat party.(Bill Williams ö acmehumor@aol.com)

MJ Charity: Michael Jackson has formed a "Heal the Kids" charity. In a related story, Farm Fresh Eggs has hired a fox to guard its henhouses. (Ray)

Big Bucks, That Is: It's been reported that Britney Spears earned $203 million dollars last year. And that's just in up front money. (Steve Voldseth)

Yet Another Award: The Reverend Jesse Jackson has been chosen to receive an award from Rock the Vote honoring his work for social and political causes. In honor of Jesse Jackson, Rock the Vote has a new bumper sticker slogan: "If this vote's rockin' don't bother knockin'." (Voldseth)

Long Island Lolita: Amy Fisher, is reportedly pregnant. Apparently, the pregnancy was a surprise because, when asked to comment, Amy said, "I need this baby like Mary Jo Buttafuoco needs another hole in her head." (Voldseth)