You think your town is tough. HA! Mine has:

Hotels that ask your name, address and next of kin to register

Ice-cream trucks that play "taps"

Gun shops that have "Back to School" sales

High school newspapers with obituary columns

Restaurants that serve broken leg of lamb

Chapters of Jehovah's Alibiers

Bowling alleys where most people bowl overhand

Schools that require a sick note co-signed by a parole officer

Christmas pageants that feature the three Wise Guys

Advice columns with hints like how to get blood off of a chain saw

A 911 emergency service with a two day waiting list

"Honor students" who practice saying "Yes/No, your honor"

Mothers who give their kids $5 every day for the holdup man