In The News ...

Survey Says: According to a study out of Emory University, young women are twice as likely to have unprotected sex if their partners have been drinking. In fact, they even have a medical name for these women: Mommies. (Steve Voldseth)

She Was Robbed: Burglars broke into the London home of Kate Moss and stole $350,000 worth of jewelry. Reached for comment, Kate said, "I have no idea how the crooks knew the combination to my safe was 20-18-20." (Voldseth)

Heart Repair: A 57-year-old Houston woman was able to live for two hours while her heart was removed during surgery. The woman had no heart for two hours--which, I believe, makes her the world's first artificial Republican. (Steve Voldseth)

Pentium III: It was this week in 1971, that Intel Corporation introduced the first microchip. Which is amazing when you think about it. Without microchips, there'd be no personal computers, no Internet, and no Mrs. Bill Gates. (Voldseth)

This just in: The African nation of Chad is changing its name to: "Small-Square-Poked-Out-From-Ballot." (Williams)

Happy Birthday: Actress Bo Derek is 44 this week. If you're looking for a gift for Bo, a photograph of her feet is not a bad idea. (Voldseth)

Medical Procedure: A medical research company is experimenting with injecting pig cells into human brains to repair damaged tissue. In fact, they even have a technical name for people with pig cells in their brains: Men. (Steve Voldseth)

D-Dubya-I: A Michigan state appeals court has ruled that the smell of liquor on a driver's breath is sufficient cause for police to order a roadside sobriety test. Asked to comment, today, George W. Bush called the ruling, "Unreasonabable." (Voldseth)

Ford Fault: Ford is recalling 430,000 Mustangs because of a brake problem. Owners have received notices from area dealers. They are being encouraged to bring their cars in very, very slowly. (Alan Ray)

Sad News: Leslie Kish, creator of the mathematical standards used in today's opinion polls, has passed away. Mr. Kish died at the age of ninety-- plus or minus four years. (Steve Voldseth)

Anniversary: It was thirty years ago this week that Michelle Phillips of the Mamas and the Papas married actor Dennis Hopper and then divorced him eight days later. The reason? Irreconcilable hallucinations. (Voldseth)

Stick-Up: An 80-year-old Florida man who gets around using a walker, is on trial for robbing a bank. The good news-- his lawyer says he could get the electric wheelchair! (Voldseth)