Mike's Dead!

Two guys meet in a bar, and one says to the other, "Did you hear the news -- Mike's dead!"

"What!?! What happened to him?"

"Well, he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom -- he hit the pavement and the car flips up and he crashed through the sunroof -- went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."

"Oh, God, what a horrible way to die!"

"No, no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."

"That's terrible! What an awful way to die!"

"No, no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."

"Oh, my God, what a way to die!"

"Well, that didn't kill him either, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the cooker, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."

"Man, that's got to hurt! To burn to death!"

"No, no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."

"That killed him, though, right?"

"No, no, he survived that, he ..."

"Hold on, just how did Mike die, then?"

"Well, I shot him!"

"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"

"He was wrecking my fucking house!"