In The News ...

Wonder Enriches: Bakery workers have won a 120 million dollar race discrimination suit against Wonder Bread. The defendant still denies the allegations. So says company spokes celebrity John Rocker. (Alan Ray)

Invisible: Scientists at the University of Texas announced today, they have successfully developed a technique to make rats invisible. Nice work, morons. (Steve Voldseth)

This is true: It's a very complicated process. To make the rats invisible, they inject a chemical (some form of hygroscopic glycerol--I don't know) into the rat's skin and then, to turn them back into rats, they give them law degrees. (Voldseth)

Reality: The Learning Channel has its own reality show called 'Junkyard Wars'. Contestants have to construct useful items from stuff they find at a city dump. And coming soon on the Food Network--Trash Can Wars. In which contestants try to reconstruct a whole chicken from parts they find in the garbage behind KFC. (TomsLake)

No Dope: The Supreme Court has struck a blow to medical marijuana in California. It's not a total defeat for proponents of the practice. They will now have to find other ways to attract NBA players to the state. (Alan Ray)

Execution State: The state of Texas has executed yet another inmate. Unforeseen legal issues have arisen. The state has killed so many people this year, it must now register as a tobacco company. (Alan Ray)

Nuptials: Pamela Anderson is getting married again, this time to male model Marcus Schenkenberg. He recently proposed on a moonlit evening onboard a private yacht. He gave Pam several romantic gifts. A handwritten copy of a poem all about his love for her. A glass of sparkling champagne with a huge diamond ring in the bottom. And a coupon good for 15 tattoo removals. (http://www.tomslake.com)

In Copenhagen, Denmark: A rich widow died and left $60,000 to six chimpanzees who live at the city zoo. (TRUE) A spokesperson for the chimps said they're thrilled about the money--but they have no plans to quit their jobs. (http://www.tomslake.com)

Frightening But True: Hey, want to drive Ralph Nader crazy? Put some Firestone tires on a Corvair. (Williams)