In The News ...

No Exercise: The U.S. Surgeon General's Office says the lack of exercise is a nationwide problem. They did not go into the specific cause. Instead, they are planning a 12- hour TV marathon to discuss the issue. (Alan Ray)

Some sad news: John W. Tukey, credited with coining the word ''software,'' has passed away in New Jersey.

--He was 0101 0011 1010 years old.

--In keeping with his wishes, Tukey's remains will be uninstalled, dragged over to the recycle bin and deleted.

--However, he is planning to reboot.

--No word yet on whether the funeral will be an open or closed Window. (Steve Voldseth)

TV: Richard Hatch--the Survivor many viewers love to hate- -will host a radio talkshow in Providence. Three similarities between a rat-infested island and a radio station: One: You have to be creative if you want to survive. Two: People who say they are your friends will stab you in the back. And three: The toilet facilities are often very primitive. (http://www.tomslake.com)

Surgeons Say: A group of plastic surgeons have discovered that a certain kind of cosmetic surgery can (actually) provide relief from migraine headaches. In fact, the procedure is now recommended by four out of five Cher's. (Steve Voldseth)

Survey Says: According to a new survey, 53% of Iranian girls said they wish they were male. To put that in perspective, only eight percent of Michael Jackson does. (Voldseth)

High Score: A high school student recently scored a perfect 1600 on his SAT's. Maybe you've heard of him? His name is Tiger Gates. (Williams)

Tall Grass: A University of Missouri cornerback was arrested for having 100 pounds of marijuana in his car. He will sit out the entire football season. But, he is expected to be taken high in the pro draft. (Alan Ray)

Rock Reality: CBS is selling its New York City "Black Rock" building. One of the unique features is Bryant Gumbel's personal elevator. It only goes in a downward direction. (Alan Ray)

Air Delays: Remember how airlines used to ask you to be at the airport one hour before departure? Now, to avoid delays, they want you to drive to your destination. (Bill Williams)

Tell me another Joke!