In The News ...
Spell It Out: The National Spelling Bee was held last week. The pressure to win isn't as great as it used to be. These days, kids know they can misspell 'potatoe' and still gow up to be vice president. (Argus Hamilton)
Happy Birthday To You: In other birthday news, Prince Rogers Nelson, better known as Prince, then as the Artist Formerly Known as Prince, then an unpronounceable symbol, then simply the Artist, and now Prince again, turned 42, today. Friends and family honored the musician by spending the day trying to get through the Happy Birthday song. (Voldseth)
GUNBROKER.COM: A gun seller from Georgia is marketing weapons online. His inventory of guns has grown dramatically in recent months. In fact, the state ATF says he must now register as a rap artist. (Alan Ray)
Risky Business: A study says the number of teens participating in risky behaviors is down. Smoking marijuana, having sex, driving fast don't appeal to many teenagers. They've discovered such activity requires movement. (Ray)
Spelling Bee: In the National Geography Bee, boys are 45 times more likely to know the answer than girls. Sure, males know where things are - they just can't DRIVE there! (Bill Williams/ acmehumor)
A gun-hating Rosie O'Donnell - has hired a gun-toting bodyguard to take her 4-year-old son to kindergarten...This is some lucky kid, I'm telling you. Already he's got a great head start on his education. He's just learned what "hypocrite" means. (Williams)
Trash Trouble: Joey and Mary Jo Buttafuoco have separated after 23 years of marriage. Don't look for her to start dating any time soon. She needs another man like she needs a hole in her head. (Alan Ray)
Gas prices are so high: It's very bad news for taxicab and limo operators. The next time O.J. kills somebody, he'll have to ride a bicycle to the airport. (http://www.tomslake.com)
Spaced Out: The head of Japan's beleaguered space program resigned last week, shocking millions who had no idea Japan had a space program. (Nicolucci)
This Is What Legends Are Made Of: Britney Spears says she wants to be a legend, just like Madonna - which is really great news for the NBA. (Bill Williams/ acmehumor)
Under Penalty of Death: George Double U Bush says he opposes Oregon's doctor-aided suicide law. See, in Texas they do things a little different than in Oregon. In Texas, they have governor-aided suicide. (Williams)
CRIME: The New Hampshire Senate voted to repeal the death penalty in their state. Murder is not a huge problem in New Hampshire. They don't have a Death Row. It's more like a Death Duplex. (http://www.tomslake.com)
No Dames: The Southern Baptist Convention has adopted a no women pastor policy. The danger of such a practice is inherent. It could lead to an open mind. (Ray)
Crash, Bang, Boom: Then there's "Friends" star Matthew Perry who swerved around a car in Hollywood, and crashed his Porsche onto somebody's front porch! Another successful graduate of the Halle Berry Driving School. (Richard Burkard/ http://www.LaughLine.com)
Some sad news: David B. Guralnik, former editor-in-chief of Webster's New World Dictionary passed away this weekend at the age of 79. I believe his last words were "zydeco," "zygote," and "zymogram." (Steve Voldseth)
More D.O.A.: David B. Guralnik, former editor in chief of Webster's New World Dictionary and an internationally known lexicographer, has died. He is deceased. Extinct. Lifeless. Departed. Extinguished. (Jim Rosenberg)