Country Song Titles

The Washington Post Sytle Invitational Challenge asked people to come up with a country song title:

7th runner up: Jump in the hefty bag, baby, 'cause I'm takin' out the trash.

6th runner up: She gimme any more lip, you gonna have to call me Jagger.

5th runner up: My best man was her daddy's shotgun.

4th runner up: Why don't we get drunk and (Thud) ...

3rd runner up: I Knifed the forklift driver 'cause he was spoonin' with you.

2nd runner up: Won't you be my Ballantine?

1st runner up: I'd rather pass a kidney stone than another night with you.

AND THE WINNER IS:

Lovin' you clogged my arteries with your big fat lies, then you bypassed my heart for some other guy.