In The News ...

New Hampshire gives up the death penalty? Hell, spending a winter there is like capital punishment...or haven't you heard of their motto?: Live, freeze and die." (Ed Gullo)

Time Lapse 2000: 66 years ago, today, serial bank robbers Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were ambushed and killed in Louisiana by police officers (from police agencies everywhere in the country. -- Well, everywhere except Boulder, Colorado-- they should be arriving any minute now. (Steve Voldseth)

More Time Lapse: -- According to reports at the time, Bonnie and Clyde's bodies were riddled with over 150 bullets. So apparently, the New York City police department was there, too. (Voldseth)

Clippers Looking: The L-A Clippers are interviewing candidates for the head coaching job. The benefits are very attractive to some. You are guaranteed May and June off. (Ray)

Spaceshot: In Tokyo--the head of Japan's space program has resigned. He's the guy who came up with the idea of launching astronauts into orbit by having them sit on one end of a seesaw--and a Sumo wrestler jumps on the other end. Wheeeeeeee! http://www.tomslake.com

Tough Conditions: Pete Rose is among the century's top 100 players. "He was banned from baseball for betting and has asked for reinstatement several times. Commissioner Bud Selig says he won't consider reinstatement until Rose confesses, apologizes and gets a decent haircut." (Ira Lawson)

Birthright: Late Tuesday, the House of Lords voted to deprive hereditary peers of the right to sit in Britain's upper chamber of Parliament. A good start. Now please -- do something about Julian Lennon. (Rosenberg)

Darn Uppity Women Folk: Jesse Helms ordered Capitol police to remove several congresswomen after they disrupted a meeting while trying to present him with a letter supporting a treaty against international sexual discrimination.... Jesse got really mad and told them "womin'" if they didn't get back to "their menfolk," he'd "take away thar' durn' shoes!" (Bill Williams)

Stage Struck: Paula Jones...is going to pose in Penthouse Magazine...Doctors believe she is in the third state of being a Clinton girlfriend. Stage No.1: You get groped. Stage No.2: You sue for harassment. Stage No.3: You pose naked for Penthouse. (David Letterman)

A Supporting Hand: During a TV media luncheon recently, Jerry Springer defended Dr. Laura's upcoming TV show. He said even though he finds her offensive, her 1st Amendment rights must be protected...That's when you know your show's in trouble when the only person who can get to stand behind you is Jerry Springer. (Andrew Wisot)

TEARS: According to an Internet survey: 14% of men admit they have cried tears sometime in the past year. And when it comes to making a man cry--it doesn't have to be a fight with your wife--or even a tragic situation in a movie. Just a few wrong words from a garage mechanic can do it. (http://www.pris.bc.ca/tomslake)

Britney CD: Britney Spears' new CD is out. The music on the album reflects her life. A couple of numbers have been enhanced. (Ray)