In the News ...
Electronics manufacturer Phillips is introducing a voice- activated TV--you tell the TV what show you want to watch and it changes channels for you. Talking to your TV isn't a totally new idea. I've have been yelling at the Six O'clock News for years. http://www.pris.bc.ca/tomslake
Fat Free: The city of San Francisco has voted to outlaw discrimination against fat people. Strange thing is, the vote passed by a slim margin. (Toms Lake Humor Company/ http://www.pris.bc.ca/tomslake)
Air Fare: Alaska Airlines says they've 'upgraded' their in- flight meals--they now serve reindeer steaks. Ask for the 'Rudolph Special'--that's a reindeer steak with a glowing red maraschino cherry in the middle. (Toms Lake Humor Company/ http://www.pris.bc.ca/tomslake)
Traveling Senators: Senator Majority Leader Trent Lott uses corporate jets for travel much more than any other of his colleagues. Of course that's not counting Ted Kennedy and Strom Thurmond, who travel by amphibian and hearse. (Bill Williams/ acmehumor)
Crooked Politician: Former Louisiana Governor Edwin Edwards has been convicted of fraud and racketeering. What do you call a Louisiana politician with a criminal record? Seasoned. (Alan Ray)
No Women Need Apply: The Southern Baptists, America's largest Protestant denomination, have drawn up a proposed statement of belief declaring that women should no longer be ordained as pastors. Something tells me they are not going to be the largest denomination much longer, because I don't see much procreation opportunities in their future. (Jim Rosenberg/ http://mrmonologue.com)
An inventor in California is working on a helmet you wear while you're to the internet--it taps into your personal life-force so you can email your aura. This guy says his invention will--quote--'enable people to communicate with thoughts and feelings, by harnessing the power of the internet to transmit the parapsychology of the human spirit'. Wow! Sounds almost as good as having a third knob on your Etch-a-Sketch. http://www.tomslake.com
Tonya Harding began serving a ten day community service sentence after her boyfriend told police she hit him in the face with a hubcap. Tonya reportedly spent her first day walking along a highway in an orange vest looking for more hubcaps. (Steve Voldseth)
Learning New Tricks: An elementary schoolteacher in Kentucky pleaded guilty to moonlighting as a prostitute. Kind of lends new meaning to the phrase, 'Boy, my teacher is easy.' (Leno)
The big rumor in Hollywood now is: that Kathie Lee Gifford may be getting her own TV sitcom. -- I believe they're calling it "Two Boys, a Girl and a Sewing Machine." --Actually it's going to be a kids show based on "Mr. Roger's Neighborhood." They're calling it "Mrs. Gifford's Garment District." --It's a kid's show actually. I believe they're calling it "Boy Meets Sewing Machine." (Steve Voldseth)
Sorry about this: The fisherman-janitor-celebrity, Donato Dalyrmple, the guy who "rescued" Elian is suing Janet Reno and the INS for $100 million, claiming they violated his rights against unreasonable search and seizure. And to make it worse, he says they knocked over his mop bucket, tracked up the just-cleaned linoleum and left cigar butts in the mashed potatoes. But, he's willing to drop it all for one guest shot on "Friends," and an introduction to his Idol - Kato Kaelin. (Williams)