In The News...

She's a Doll Inside: Have you noticed? Barbie has a wider waist, slimmer hips and small bust in order to appear more realistic. Ken comes with less hair and a beer belly. La-Z- Boy, TV remote and other accessories are extra. (Kenny Noble Cortes)

What'd You Say?: According to the American College of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology, approximately 36 percent of all Americans suffer from some sort of allergy, nearly double all previous estimates. And that's nothing to sneeze at." (Ira Lawson)

Not So Fast: Actor Jason Priestly was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving after crashing his Porsche into a utility pole and a parked car and injuring his passenger. "His agent says it's all a misunderstanding. He was just preparing for a role in the life story of Charlie Sheen." (Mark Wheeler)

Library Leach: Bill Clinton is discussing plans for his presidential library. It will house an exhibit of his marriage to the First Lady. It'll be in a section marked "fiction." (Alan Ray)

Secession: The people of Hollywood want to secede from Los Angeles and be their own city. I'm thinking of new names, and I just can't decide between "Sodom" and "Gomorrah." (Jim Rosenberg)

No Adoption PLEASE: The Missouri Department of Transportation says a federal judge has ordered that the Ku Klux Klan be permitted to take part in the state's "Adopt a Highway." They are actually very helpful; if you break down on their stretch of road -- they'll get right under the hood. (Rosenberg)

Spaced Out: "According to a disturbing new report, math scores are down 20 percent, reading scores are down 30 percent, science scores are down a whopping 50 percent, and that's just at NASA headquarters." (Jay Leno)

High School Confidential: According to the Washington-based Education Trust, most high school diplomas aren't preparing children for college or the work force. The good news, however, is that Doom and Myst scores have nearly doubled in the last decade and Pac-Man losses have been virtually eliminated. (Rosenberg)

Interesting Effects: Scientists working with the anti- depressant drug, clomipramine, have discovered that a side effect causes some users to have spontaneous orgasms when they yawn. In a related story, attendance at Al Gore campaign speeches is up 800 percent. (Voldseth)

Some sad news from the literary world: Joseph Heller, author of the novel "Catch-22" has passed away at the age of 76. In a related story, today, in heaven, Heller's request to become an angel was turned down due to lack of experience. (Voldseth)