In The News...

Is That a Signpost Up Ahead??: The Sierra Club is going to restore the trail made famous by Lewis and Clark. Meanwhile, the Friars Club continues to maintain the trail blazed by Lewis and Martin. (Jim Rosenberg)

Tripp Needs You: Linda Tripp has launched an Internet site to solicit donations to help pay her legal bills. You'll find it at www.TheresaSuckerBornEveryMinute.com. (Jerry Perisho)

Think About This: "ER" actress Julianna Marglies reportedly turned down $27 million to remain on the show because she wants to pursue a film career. I have two words for her: David Caruso. (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Casting Call: Plans are underway right here at NBC for a TV movie based on the life of Jesus. Can you even shoot that in L.A.? Where are you gonna find three wise men and a virgin? (Jay Leno)

Canadian Sues: A man is suing Starbucks for $1.5 million because his "manhood" was crushed by a toilet seat in one of their New York stores. He's a single guy, so he's suing for "alienation of affection." (Bill Williams)

Havana Homecoming: The first weekly flights to Havana from New York City in 40 years are now available. So far, some of the travel slogans haven't been a big draw. "Come for the climate, stay for the oppression." (Alan Ray)

Rayburn Remembered: "Match Game" host Gene Rayburn is dead at 83. There is some confusion surrounding his passing. The official cause of death was listed as "blank." (Ray)

Internet Tool: The Southern Baptist Convention has launched an Internet service that filters out pornography, violence, bigotry and other material it considers a stumbling block to personal and spiritual growth. We already have a filter that does that in our family -- it's called *parents*. (Rosenberg)

Face-Saver: "You know what's great about shopping online? When they reject your credit card, you don't have to pretend it was the magnetic strip." (Leno)

Yo, Adrian: Five former cooks and cleaners for Sylvester Stallone sued him Monday, claiming they were fired for breaking household rules that included not making eye contact with him. Had they followed the rules, they would have joined the millions upon millions of moviegoers who have not laid an eye on him in the past 10 years. (Jim Rosenberg)

A panel studying global water problems reports that more than half the world's major rivers are going dry or are polluted. We should spend some money on reconstructing them every year, as is being done with Joan Rivers. (Rosenberg)

Pete Proposes: Pete Rose is trying to get back in baseball. He knows the fundamentals of the game. Pitchers shouldn't be wild. Just deuces and one-eyed Jacks. (Ray)