In The News ...

Newtie's Divorce: The divorce trial of Newt Gingrich and his ex-wife begins. He claims he never meant to lie to her. It's just that he often mistook her for Congress. (Ray)

You Don't, You Don't: Magician David Copperfield has ended his silence over breaking up with German supermodel Claudia Schiffer, saying that work had got in the way of their relationship. Schiffer indicated the split was over "irreconcilable appearances." (Jim Rosenberg)

Really, David?: "'Baywatch' star David Hasselhoff has quit the show. Hasselhoff said he wants to pursue other roles, spend more time with his family and stop sucking his gut." (Alex Kaseberg)

Where Danger Lies: "Last year, over 400,000 injuries occurred in bed. Are you surprised by that? If you put 400,000 people in a bed, somebody is going to get injured." (Jay Leno)

Ol' Sparky: Florida Gov. Jeb Bush says he is confident that the U.S. Supreme Court will uphold Florida's use of the electric chair to execute condemned prisoners. It's all part of Bush's "Compassionate Electromagnetism." (Rosenberg)

Gotta Hand it to Him: "Donald Trump doesn't like shaking hands. It'd be nice to have a president who keeps his hands to himself." (Daily Scoop)

She's Baaaaaack: Tonya Harding donned her ice skates and competed again this week after five years. "Asked why she is returning to competition after such a long layoff, Tonya said she just felt like taking another whack at it." (Kaseberg)

Geezer Rock: "After 25 years, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young will reunite for a tour. Actually to comply with truth-in-advertising laws, they had to change their name to 'Crosby, Stills, Nash and Really, Really Old.'" (Kaseberg)

Ouch: Germany is blasting Britain for recruiting men as young as 16 for its armed forces and actually sending them into combat before they are 18. "The sons never sit in the British Empire." (Rosenberg)

Surviving For Dollars: CBS announced a new game show called "Survivor" where 16 people are taken to a remote island in the South China Sea for seven weeks in a, quote, "rigorous test of physical and mental strength." The winner gets a cash prize. Why is it -- a TV network puts a bunch of people on a deserted Asian island, makes them work for their survival and leaves most of them empty-handed -- everybody cheers. When Kathie Lee does it, everybody gets mad. I don't understand it ... (Steve Voldseth)

Top of the List: A Time magazine poll has put Geraldo Rivera on top of the "Phonies and Frauds of the Century" list. You know, Geraldo's so popular, I'm sure he'll win again next century. (Bill Williams)