In The News ...

In Their Dreams: Model and actress Elle MacPherson will appear on "Friends." "In a related story, the male members of the cast want to rename the show 'Really Good Friends.'" (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Population Explosion: "There are now six billion people in the world. Six billion people in the world, and the Cleveland Indians still can't find one that can pitch." (Jay Leno)

Pardon Me: Ex-President Jimmy Carter wants President Bill Clinton to pardon Patty Hearst. Since being kidnapped, joining the SLA and then jail time, the last 20 years has seen her as a model citizen. So as Jimmy well knows, that proves the old adage: "Sometimes you act like a nut, sometimes you don't." (Bill Williams)

I Do, I Do: If Vermont legalizes same-sex marriages, Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche say they will marry there. Ah ... Ellen and Anne -- the Mrs. and Mrs. Dan Quayle of Hollywood. (Williams)

Toy Safety: Major toy makers have set up a safety hotline. Information will be given out on the dangers of the Atlanta Braves doll. A choking hazard. (Alan Ray)

Newt Analyst: Newt Gingrich has been hired by Fox News to be a commentator. He'll discuss the turmoil and divisiveness of the house. His own. (Ray)

Survey Says: A new survey shows that with the death rate dropping dramatically in Britain, undertakers have nothing to work on. Two words: Keith Richards. (Jim Rosenberg)

Iron Man: Keith Richards says he still uses heroin, although not as much as in the '70s.... Is Keith tough? Let's put it this way: If heroin was the Titanic, Keith would be the iceberg. (Williams)

Yet Another Survey Says: The Commerce Department says my personal income has grown 1.3 percent, or $92.6 billion for all of us.... So you know what that means? Thirty million people together make as much as Bill Gates does by himself. (Williams)

He'll Sleep on It: "A study reveals that not getting enough sleep can age you. So that's what's happening to Keith Richards. It isn't the drugs, cigarettes, whiskey and women. He isn't getting enough naps." (Alex Kaseberg)

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