Tax Matters

Recently, a tax inspector came to see me. After wearing a garlic necklace, I was ready to meet him. What follows is an excerpt of our conversation (M:Moi, I: Inspector).

I: May I see your accounting books?

M: Of course, here they are: Accounting Made Easy, Accounting For People Who Cannot Count, The Taxman Lestat ...

I: You don't keep your accounts on books?

M: No, I don't. You see, books are already printed, there's no space to write on them.

I: Where do you keep your accounts?

M: In my head.

I: How am I supposed to inspect them?

M: Hypnotize me, I suppose.

I: How about VAT returns?

M: VAT returns? That's great! I was not aware that it had left. Where did it go, by the way?

I: I don't believe this. Don't you have any records, at all?

M: Of course, I do have records. I have some early recordings by Busoni, made in 1928, very rare, and the complete collection of Beethoven sonatas, recorded by Arthur Schnabel in Berlin, before the war and...

I: Have you ever paid taxes?

M: Excusez moi, je ne parle pas l'Anglais.

I: I need two aspirins ...

(VAT: Value Added Tax, roughly comparable to the sales tax in some states in the USA).