In The News ...

In the Running: Pope John Paul II called for health coverage for all people. "Being Pope isn't enough for this guy. Now he wants to be First Lady." (Hamilton)

On the Business Beat: Martha Stewart's company is going public. "Not only will you get ownership in her company, each stock certificate can be folded to make a lovely table setting." (Jay Leno)

Happy Birthday: In England, the Queen Mum turned 99. "She celebrated the same way she does every year: Jello shots and pay-per-view wrestling." (Leno)

Nothing To Fear: Winston Churchill's 49-year-old granddaughter is going to have plastic surgery because she fears she is beginning to look too much like her famous ancestor ... She is going to fight it on the cheeks, she will fight it on the chin, she will fight it on the jowls ... she will never surrender. (Hughes)

New Clue: Researchers in Chicago say they now believe that lead- poisoning from bullets lodged in the body of seventh president Andrew Jackson may have caused his violent mood swings and other health problems. And today, the Boulder, Colo., Police Department said, "President Jackson's been shot?" (Steve Voldseth)

Tough Crowd: In a bit of irony, Dr. Bernard Lewinsky received a letter from the Clintons seeking contributions for a legal defense fund. "Don't they know his daughter already gave at the office?" (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Product Recall: Mental health protesters have persuaded the Nestle company to discontinue a line of candy featuring characters named "Psycho Sam," "Weird Wally" and "Loony Jerry." Now, if we could just get the Republicans to discontinue their line of presidential candidates featuring the characters "Snortin' George," "Dizzy Lizzie" and "Ding-Dong Dan." (Voldseth)

You're Outta Here: Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott said yesterday it's time for Janet Reno to step down as Attorney General. And today, President Clinton said, "OK, but you tell her." And Trent Lott said, "Whoa, no ... I'm not gonna tell her! You tell her!" (Voldseth)

Keeping the Peace: The U.S. paid $4.5 million to the victims of NATO's bombing of the Chinese Embassy in Belgrade. "Clinton also threw in three more nuclear secrets and two Chinese lobbyists to be named later." (Joshua Sostrin)

Such a Deal: The Clinton Administration recently eased trade restrictions between the US and Cuba. "Now we can send them wheat, rice and medicine. In return, they can send us utility infielders, middle relievers, and an occasional starting pitcher." (Jerry Perisho)