In The News ...

Your Cheatin' Newt: Newt Gingrich has left his wife for a young aide. He'd like to clarify his position. When he talks about family values, he's referring to the Hefner family. (Ray)

Quite an IPO: The Republican party says it will attempt to raise one million dollars each from a thousand donors and take the country private. (Feldman)

Happy Birthday: "Former Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders turned 66 on Friday. She celebrated alone." (Zack Taylor - Westwood One Radio Network)

You've Got...: "America Online has been denied a trademark for the phrase 'You've got mail'... They have, though, been given the rights to 'The line is busy, please try again'." (Taylor)

Is That Your Final Answer?: Aboriginal leaders in Australia on Sunday demanded the government to follow up its expression of regret for its past treatment of Australia's indigenous people with cash compensation. The government has dispatched Regis Philbin to ask them a series of increasingly difficult questions. (Jim Rosenberg)

An Acorn Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree: A company called American Forest is selling tree seedlings cut from trees owned by famous people. This is true... for example, they have the Martin Luther King Jr. Oak, they have the Lyndon B. Johnson Pecan and my favorite celebrity tree, the Al Gore Al Gore. (Steve Voldseth)

Speaking of the President: Bill Clinton announced he's setting aside $1 billion in taxpayers' money to buy up land for the US Park Service. "Oh, great. Now we're all partners with Clinton in a land deal." (Jay Leno)

It Figures: An American tourist was rescued after spending six weeks wandering around the Australian desert. "See, men? See what happens when you don't just stop and ask directions?" (Leno)

New Survey: According to a new survey, 33 percent of American women sleep on their right side, 26 percent sleep on their left side, 18 percent sleep on their backs, and 13 percent sleep on their stomachs. And today, President Clinton said, "That's not correct. It's 38 percent, 22 percent, 24 percent and 15 percent.." (Voldseth)

Recreational Use Only: A tidal wave of Republicans are coming forward now, saying they've used drugs. Both Rhode Island Senate candidate, Lincoln Chafee and New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson have come forward to say they've experimented with cocaine, and today Dan Quayle admitted he once experimented with the spelling of cocaine. (Voldseth)

Anything For A Latte': Researchers in California say they have moved a step closer to perfecting a vaccine for the addictive properties of cocaine. And if they are successful with this, they plan to next attack man's number one addiction: Starbucks. (Bill Williams)

Pricey Soaper: CBS will pay in the neighborhood of $475 million over five years to keep the popular daytime soap "The Young and the Restless." It's the most ever spent on a bunch of pointless, voyeuristic trash, not counting the Starr Report. (Rosenberg)

I Left My Heart...: This was in USA Today. The only mobile national monument in the United States is... anybody know? The cable cars in San Francisco. This is true -- San Francisco's cable cars are the only mobile national monument in the United States -- OK, not counting Paula Jones' house, but other than that... (Voldseth)

Beatlemania: A $28 guitar once owned by Beatle John Lennon when he was just starting out is expected to bring in $160,000 at auction this week. Even more amazing, at the same auction, a $160,000 set of drums once owned by Ringo Starr is expected to sell for $28. (Voldseth)