In The News ...

Mouse Patrol: Computer users are being warned of the "California" virus, which comes via email. "It wipes out your hard drive. Or more accurately, 'It crashes at your place, dude.'" (Daily Scoop)

Crash Test Dummies: A newly-released federal report says that among sport utility vehicles, the Ford Ranger and the Chevy Tracker are more likely to tilt and then tip over than other models. In fact, it's so bad, in the report, they refer to them as the "Boris Yeltsin" and "Ted Kennedy" of SUVs. (Steve Voldseth)

Business Beat: Starbucks plans to open 600 more outlets. "Get the feeling the people at Starbucks are drinking too much of their own product? Try some decaf- slow down!" (Jay Leno)

No Death Without a Form: Tipper Gore is involved in a government anti- suicide program. And boy, is she ever going to be busy if her husband wins! (Bill Williams)

PLO Pouting: In-fighting is reported in the PLO. Some don't like Yassar Arafat's new approach to Middle East diplomacy: Compassionate terrorism. (Alan Ray)

Got A Portrait In Your Attic?: According to a new Scottish study, men who have sex three times or more a week look on the average 12 years younger than they actually are. In fact ... Dick Clark? Turns out, he has sex 8,000 times a week. (Voldseth)

JFK Film: An arbitration panel says the U.S. government must pay Abraham Zapruder's heirs $16 million for his film of President John F. Kennedy's assassination. That's the most paid for a disaster caught on film since, well -- what was the last Kevin Costner movie? (Jim Rosenberg)

JFK Film II: Arbitrators have decided the government must give the relatives of Abraham Zapruder $16 million for using his film of the Kennedy assassination. The same arbitrators also decided George Lucas must give Al Gore's mother $16 million for using her idea of a talking robot. (Williams)

Toddler TV: Doctors say kids under 2 shouldn't watch TV. This is not good news for prime-time programs. Kids under 2 are the only ones who find the plots intriguing. (Ray)

Mozart Muted: A study shows classical music doesn't make babies smarter. Rather, a simple repetitive rhythm over and over again will lull them to sleep. Parents should put on Ricky Martin. (Ray)

Silly Science: Scientists have taught chimpanzees to speak English. "Now if they can only do that to the people who write insurance forms." (Daily Scoop)

New Study: Scientists reporting in the journal Nature, this week say they have found a way to turn normal, healthy human cells into malignant, cancerous ones. We already have that don't we? They're called cigarettes. (Voldseth)

Business Beat: Kmart now has its own credit card. "It has a new slogan too: 'Don't leave your mobile home without it.'" (Leno)

New Degree: Two law professors have proposed that lawyers who comment on cases for television news programs follow voluntary ethical guidelines. This follows Harvard's recent announcement of the establishment of a new degree: the JD-MSNBC. (Rosenberg)

New Museum: Plans are underway in Montana to build a museum on the history of sex. Expected to be a big hit: The Pee-Wee Herman "Self- Guided Tour." (Rosenberg)