In The News ...

The Unfriendly Skies: An American Airlines pilot reportedly ordered a 76-year-old flight attendant off the plane because he thought she was too frail to handle an emergency. "Now the flight attendant is complaining. She said no pilot has ever treated her like this before. Not even the Wright brothers." (Jay Leno)

The Unfriendly Skies II: "A 76-year-old flight attendant? That sounds like a Strom Thurmond sex fantasy." (Leno)

We Apologize in Advance: In Romania, the 40th annual international Mathematics Olympiad is underway. "Or as it's known in Europe, the Tour de Fractions." (Daily Scoop)

More Friends: NBC is preparing to fork out an estimated $5 million per episode to keep its cornerstone Thursday comedy "Friends" on the air through mid-2002. This is the second-largest amount ever paid to keep powerful friends, after the China payoff to the Clinton administration. (Jim Rosenberg)

French Decor: French travel firm Accor said Monday it had agreed to buy U.S. economy lodging chain Red Roof Inns. In other news, Red Roof Inns announced its new slogan: "Get to sleep and do not bother us, you boorish pigs!" (Rosenberg)

No Television For You, Mister: In Iran it's now illegal to watch TV, fly a kite or wear white socks. Now I can kind of understand the TV and kite ban, but white socks?! Wouldn't that cause a lot of chafing when the kids wear their Air Ayatollah sneakers? (Bill Williams)

Gay Blade: A Cambridge University professor says he has evidence that Robin Hood was gay. Interesting character, Robin Hood. He was a protector of the forest, he supported gay rights and he robbed from the rich and gave to the poor -- so technically, he was the first Democrat! (Steve Voldseth)

A Music Legacy: Julian Lennon says dad John Lennon would have resented his musical career if he had lived long enough to see it. I think I speak for everyone when I say, "Julian Lennon has a musical career?!?!" (Rosenberg)

Sherwood Forrest Guys: A Cambridge University professor says he has evidence that Robin Hood was gay. Apparently, research revealed that the original name for his "Band of Merry Men" was actually "The Longtime Companions." (Rosenberg)

Get A Life: David Prowse, who played Darth Vader, with the help of James Earl Jones' voice in the original 'Star Wars,' claims Episode I is nothing but "a two-hour toy commercial." "Anger ... jealousy ... hate ... this is the disgruntled side of the Force." (Rosenberg)

New Theme Park: In London, now, there are plans to open the world's first wine theme park. Some of the planned attractions include: ... Sloshed Mountain. ... Mr. Toad's Wild Ride Under the Influence. ... the Betty Ford Treehouse. ... The Castle of Sleeping-It-Off Beauty. ... Alice in 12 Step Land. (Voldseth)