If Companies Ran Christmas

If DEC ran Christmas... We used to have Christmas back in the '70s, didn't we?

If Hewlett-Packard ran Christmas... They would market the Reverse Polish Ornament, which is put in your attic on the weekend after Thanksgiving, and placed out for viewing the day after the January bowl games.

If Sony ran Christmas... Their Personal Xmas-ing Device, which would be barely larger than an ornament and flat, would allow you to celebrate the season with a device attached conveniently to your belt.

If the Franklin Mint ran Christmas... Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted item from an authentic Civil War pewter ornament collection. Each ornament would weight about seven pounds, and require you to pay shipping and handling charges.

If Cray ran Christmas... The holiday season would cost $16 million, but would be celebrated faster than any other holiday during the year.

If Thinking Machines ran Christmas... You would be able to hang over 64,000 ornaments on your tree (all identical) at the same time.

If Timex ran Christmas... The holiday would be cheap, small, quartz-crystal driven, and would let you take a licking and keep on shopping.

If Radio Shack ran Christmas... The staff would sell you ornaments, but not know anything about them or what they were for. Or you could buy parts to build your own tree.

If K-Tel ran Christmas... Ornaments would not be sold in stores, but when you purchased some, they would be accompanied by a free set of Ginsu knives.

If University of Waterloo ran Christmas... They would immediately change the name to WatMas.