In The News ...

New Movie: The TBS network announced plans today to do a made-for-TV remake of the classic Western movie "High Noon." Please, folks, whatever you do, do not confuse this movie with Woody Harrelson's new made-for-TV movie "High at Noon." (Steve Voldseth)

New Name: In Kansas City, Mo., 13 teenagers had to be rescued after a roller coaster car they were riding in derailed and left them hanging upside down for two hours. And just to show you how smart those amusement park guys are -- they immediately renamed the ride "Amtrak" and opened it right back up. (Voldseth)

New Trouble: And oh, boy, more trouble for Kathy Lee Gifford. Oh God, did you hear about this? Today, they found Carnival Cruise employees getting paid only 40 cents a day to sexually assault passengers. (Voldseth)

New Math: In Romania, the 40th annual international Mathematics Olympiad is underway. It's patterned after the actual Olympics. For instance, a sample question: "If three Salt Lake City officials share one bribe of $50,000 and the first takes $25,000 -- the second takes $15,000, how much is left for the third?" (Jim Rosenberg)

Some sad news: The world's first TV weatherman has passed away at the age of 83. In accordance with his wishes, his ashes were only partly scattered. (Voldseth)

Old Battle Ax: Unaware that his microphone was on, an Orlando TV anchor called Hillary Rodham Clinton an "old battle ax'' as he broadcast her arrival at the Kennedy Space Center. No punch line necessary. (Rosenberg)

Hardy Stock: Scientists now are reporting that putting Viagra in plant food promotes bigger and stronger stalks. Whooh, and you thought the Jolly Green Giant was jolly before! (Voldseth)

Geezer Rockumentary: Fine Line Films is doing a documentary on The Sex Pistols called "The Filth and the Fury." You remember the Sex Pistols don't you? ---- The South Park of the early Punk movement. (Bill Williams)

If They Do Not Fit ...: Plans are in the works for a "Seinfeld" spin-off featuring Jackie Chiles, the lawyer based on Johnnie Cochran. "I think it's fitting that the man who beat out DNA is ultimately cloned." (Rosenberg)

No Pardon Required: "Plans are in the works for a "Seinfeld" spin-off featuring Jackie Chiles, the lawyer based on Johnnie Cochran. Cochran says he isn't upset about it since he knows it's only television and not reality. Sort of like the O.J. trial." (Zack Taylor - Westwood One Radio Network)

Changing Channels: Trade papers say that NBC has agreed to pay $5 million an episode for "Friends" through the 2002 season. "For 5 million a night, you ought to be more than friends." (Argus Hamilton)

Silly Science: Scientists in Finland say they have tripled the growth rate of crayfish by incubating them in water warmed by a nearby nuclear power plant. In fact, they're opening up a chain of restaurants to sell them called Long John Uraniums. (Voldseth)

What a Concept: Officials in Watsonville, Calif., are experimenting with putting a police substation in a 7-11 store ... They say it's all part of a plan to save time by bringing the doughnuts to the police instead of having the police drive to the doughnuts ... In fact, the Fox network has already planned a new version of the TV show "Cops" based on the idea. Except here, the first line of the theme song is "Bad Food. Bad Food." (Voldseth)