In The News ...

Trade Show: A swingers conference was held over the weekend in Reno. There's always a problem with membership in that organization. It doesn't have a very faithful following. (Ray)

It's Raining, It's Pouring: Las Vegas was hit with the city's worst flooding in 15 years. "And you thought the drinks were watered down before." (Gary Moore)

Refugees Refused: The U.S. Coast Guard sent back a boatload of Cubans off the coast of Florida. Routine procedures were followed. Before deportation, officials inspected the vessel to see if any of the refugees could pitch. (Ray)

What Luck: Doctors says a man in Washington state whose gun went off after he tucked it into his waistband wasn't seriously injured. "I don't know what's more embarrassing -- firing a gun in your pants, or firing a gun and not hitting anything." (Jay Leno)

Name Change: Local officials have upheld a decision to rename a 21- block section of a major Little Rock street "President Clinton Avenue." The road will run alongside, but never actually touch, "Hillary Rodham Clinton Avenue." (Jim Rosenberg)

New Hotel: A new French-themed hotel has opened in Las Vegas. Everything about it has a French theme. There's a replica of the Eiffel Tower, they've got the Arc de Triomphe, and when you hand over your luggage at the front desk, instead of "checking in" they call it "surrendering." (Steve Voldseth)

A New Foreign Policy: Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak and PLO leader Yasser Arafat held talks last week. "In a little known development, they decided to settle their differences with 10 penalty kicks on the White House lawn." (Argus Hamilton)

Health Care: Republican health care advances -- it only covers you if you're healthy. The minute you're sick, you're out. Managed care, you know: you'll just have to manage. (Feldman)

Future Angel?: A baseball autographed in 1987 by the Pope was up for auction. "That shouldn't be surprising. He was a padre for eight seasons before moving to the cardinals." (Bob Mills)

We'll Take Those Odds: A new French-themed hotel in Las Vegas features replicas of the Eiffel Tower and the Arc de Triomphe. "Sounds great. All the fun of France without the French." (Chris Pina)

Silly Science: According to Prevention magazine, women burn more calories walking around a shopping mall than they do walking around a jogging track. "That makes sense. See, in a shopping mall, women are dragging around their husbands. That's a lot of dead weight to carry around." (Leno)

Pfizer Inc.'s agreement to pay a $20 million fine as part of a federal price-fixing investigation will have virtually no effect on the giant drug maker, analysts say. A Pfizer official blamed the affair on "correctile dysfunction" and vowed profits will "rise again." (Rosenberg)

Thank God!: Leaders of the town Republic, Mo., have agreed to remove the Christian fish symbol from the city seal, ending an 18-month legal battle. The controversial symbol will be replaced by the Nike swoosh, with each citizen getting 25 percent off all athletic shoe and sports apparel. (Rosenberg)

South Rises: The remains of 27 confederate soldiers were dug up in Charleston, S.C. A letter found on one infantryman tells of his frustration with the war. "Dear Senator Thurmond..." (Alan Ray)