In The News ...

Expert Witness: Police arrested a woman in Hialeah, Fla., when they discovered her house filled with trash and cat feces. It was so bad, police had to call in the national expert on getting out of deep doo-doo: Bill Clinton ... (Bill Williams)

In This Corner: Dennis Rodman has been signed as a professional wrestler. "Let's hope this isn't just a first step in a run for governor." (Bob Mills)

Training Wheels First: "60 Minutes" correspondent Ed Bradley turned 58. Just seven more years till the rest of the team feels they can trust him with the car. (Jim Rosenberg)

I Quit: The head of the U.S. Energy Department's weapons program, Victor Reis, has submitted his resignation. The White House was actually the third to get word, after the Chinese and the Russians. (Rosenberg)

Silly Science: A study on sleep disorders found that certain words can instantly induce sleep in insomniacs. "For example, 'Ladies and gentlemen, Vice President Al Gore.'" (Alex Kaseberg)

Silly Science II: According to some researchers, leeches have medicinal value. "And I thought HMOs were the only bloodsuckers in the health care industry." (Daily Scoop)

Scrap Medal: O.J. Simpson's Heisman Trophy is being melted down to benefit battered women ... five years after O.J. himself melted down. (Rosenberg)

Chop Shop: Nineteen stolen vehicles were recovered at an auto shop owned by Knicks star Latrell Sprewell in the Los Angeles area. Sprewell is going to change the name of the shop from Sprewell Racing to "Choke 'N' Clutch." (Clif Mayne)

Bite This: NBC has rehired Marv Albert to cover the NBA. Yeah, I can just hear him now: "No. 23 just made a driving slam dunk, and showed a little stocking-top in the process." (Bill Williams)

Bite This II: Marv Albert has been rehired by NBC. He'll also be doing some work for CNBC, MSNBC, and S&MNBC." (Zack Taylor - Westwood One Radio Network)

New Wife: "Fox chief Rupert Murdoch has a new wife. Or as he calls it, 'a mid-season replacement'." (Taylor)

We Apologize in Advance: After a series fell through, ABC is putting together a Mary and Rhoda reunion movie. "A few months back, the producers said they were passing on the reunion. But I guess they're gonna make it after all." (Daily Scoop)