In The News...

Pay For Mom: A Virginia financial services company compiled all the different jobs that mothers do -- working, raising the kids and taking care of the household -- and came up with an annual salary of $508,700 per year. $810,000, if she's a white male. (Steve Voldseth)

Top Award: For the first time ever, J.D. Power today awarded its prestigious Initial Quality Award to the Jaguar automobile. They would have given it sooner, but the Jaguar they use to deliver the award was in the shop. (Voldseth)

Adulterous Affair: A Los Angeles woman is collecting signatures to get a measure on the ballot that would make adultery illegal in the state of California. "If it's not your wife, it's 10 to life." (Jim Rosenberg)

Quite A Raise: A bill in Congress would double the president's salary to $400,000 dollars per year. President Clinton expressed preliminary support, but said he wanted to "wait for the Chinese counter-offer." (Rosenberg)

Guns Don't Kill People: Wanting to eat their cake and have it too, the NRA is now marketing metal detectors. (Bill Williams)

On the Campaign Trail: In a speech, Dan Quayle denounced lawyers who sue schools. "Which is really surprising, because if anyone should have sued his school, it's Dan Quayle." (Conan O'Brien)

Change of Address: The post office has come out with a new stamp that puts the Grand Canyon in Colorado. "Apparently the error got through because no one wanted to tell postal workers they had made a mistake." (O'Brien)

Changing Channels: NBC will broadcast the unauthorized story of Jesse Ventura. "The Minnesota governor is upset he didn't have script approval. He always had it for his wrestling matches." (Gary Easley)

Star Wars: You know who I saw at the theater where I saw the new "Star Wars" movie? Mark Hamill, the original Luke Skywalker. It's true ... I walked up to him and said "Hi." And then he tore my ticket in half and said, "Second theater on the right." (Voldseth)

Delicacy: A crowd of people watched as a 12-foot alligator tore apart a smaller gator and ate it in a lake at the University of Florida. The larger gator has been offered a full scholarship to attend the university by football Coach Steve Spurrier, pending receipt of its SAT scores. (Rosenberg)

Bob's A Bad Bad Boy: Elizabeth Dole says her husband Bob is in the family woodshed for saying he might contribute to John McCain's campaign, one of her rivals for the GOP presidential nomination. And worse than that, she put a child-proof cap on his Viagra. (Bill Williams)

Prepare for Liftoff: Airbus plans to build a jumbo jet that will carry 200 more passengers than a Boeing 747. "Actually, it's going to be the same size as a 747, but the seats will be a lot smaller." (Andrew Wisot)

Back To The -- Future??: Denny's announced they're changing their restaurants back to '50s-style diners.1950? Oh, man -- blacks and gay people thought the wait for a table was long now -- try 50 years. (Voldseth)

Get in Line: A new Washington, D.C., museum is devoted to drug addiction. "Reportedly the museum is doing well, but the snack bar is doing even better." (O'Brien)

Raise the Curtain: A Broadway producer wants to do a musical based on the life of Amy Fisher. "It's called 'Butta-bing, Butta-Boom, Buttafuoco." (Jay Leno)

Film Festival Threat: A homemade bomb was found in central Cannes early Tuesday, barely 24 hours before the film festival was due to open. It was much smaller and less potent, however, than the worst bomb at Cannes -- Kevin Costner's "Waterworld." (Rosenberg)

El Rusho: According to a new study, the average annual temperature is a little warmer in the northern hemisphere (58.3 degrees F) than in the southern hemisphere (56.1 degrees F). Climatologists attribute the difference to the fact there is more land in the northern hemisphere, and what they call "Rush Limbaugh Emissions." (Rosenberg)

What A Nightmare: A study says kids who sleep with a nightlight could become nearsighted. In a totally unrelated study, it is suggested people who sleep with conservatives could become blind sighted. (Williams)

Quayle Quips: Dan Quayle is running for president. When he sees a supporter with a Quayle button on his lapel, the former vice president's face just lights up. "Hey, that's my name, too!" (Ray)