In The News ...

So Sorry: On his trip to Latin America, President Clinton offered his apologies to Guatemala. "I didn't even know Clinton slept with Guatemala." (Jay Leno)

Sweep(mis)stakes: The Senate wants to crack down on misleading sweepstakes mailings. "Among the proposals is a warning to consumers that their odds of winning are less than their chances of outliving Dick Clark." (Joshua Sostrin)

All Aboard: Amtrak is scheduling 150 mph trains on the East Coast. "Don't you think Amtrak ought to master 60 mph trains before they move up to 150?" (Mark Wheeler)

Legal Line: The artist formerly known as Prince is suing several Web sites because he says they're using his symbol without permission. "He was quoted as saying 'Hey, let them come up with their own weird, career-ruining symbols.'" (Conan O'Brien)

On the Campaign Trail: Lamar Alexander is officially running for president. "Try to imagine Al Gore, but without the charisma." (Jay Leno)

On the Campaign Trail II: "What's sad is, already there's a scandal brewing about Lamar Alexander. While in college, Lamar may have experimented with having a personality." (Leno)

Unclear on the Concept: The maker of Crayola crayons is asking for suggestions to rename the politically incorrect color Indian red. "So far the best suggestion is from Martha Stewart. She wants to call it Indian magenta." (Steve Voldseth)

Unclear on the Concept II: "They haven't picked up new name yet, but I like European Land-Grabber red." (Jerry Perisho)

On the Road: A study found that California leads the nation in road rage. "We're No. 1! We're No. 1! At least, I think that's what Californians are saying when they stick that one finger out the window." (Jennifer Vally)

Tell me another Joke!