What To Say When You Are Caught

A personal guide to what men should say when caught looking at another woman by their wife or girlfriend.

I can't believe that outfit she is wearing. (Said disdainfully)

Look at that guy ... over there ... behind the woman.

I think that's a man dressed as a woman. (Incredulous)

Isn't that the actress from the movie "Delicatessen"? (Chances are she hasn't seen that movie -- and neither have you, but you will get brownie points naming a foreign film, and it will be just obtuse enough to distract her.

I think that's the girl I knew from high school who eventually joined a convent (or was committed to an asylum) and turned out to be a real nut case.

Help me, I got something in my eye ... can't see a thing!

I was staring off into space because I was about to have an epiphany about the direction of my life and the nature of my love for you, but its gone now, thank you very much!

Hey! That's the loser I dumped in order to go out with you. Boy, am I glad I ever got away from her! What a moron!

I was just thinking how I felt sorry for her -- since she can never hold a candle to you (this one might only get you punched, but it's worth a try).

Do you think she's prettier than me? (Give her a taste of her own medicine.)