In The News...

Funny Money: In 2000 we're getting a new dollar coin to replace the Susan B. Anthony one. It has the face of American Indian Sacagawea and her tiny baby in a sling on her back....The baby's face looks like Alan Greenspan. Why? Because he's NEVER going to get off our backs. (Bill Williams)

The "Old Woman of the Freeway" mural overlooking the Hollywood freeway is finally being restored to its original condition. Just to give you an idea how long it's been, when it was first painted, it was called, "Young Woman Waiting at the On-ramp Metering Light." (Steve Voldseth)

Dan Quayle says he can picture himself as president because he has the "necessary fire in his belly." I know what he means. When I picture him as president, I get the same sensation. (Steve Voldseth)

It Looks Like a Duck: The producers of the hit children's TV show "Teletubbies" are suing Spanish broadcaster TV Azteca for its lookalike Spanish show "Telechobis." 'A spokesman for TV Azteca said the charges are false, and the show is simply part of their popular Wednesday lineup along with 'The Kimpsons' and 'The Dos Equis Files.'" (Dennis Miller)

Baywatch Barf: A "Baywatch" theme restaurant chain is set to open. For those who want something light, customers will be give one of their old scripts. (Ray)

Memories: According to a study from Johns Hopkins University, you can suffer temporary amnesia from having sex. "Or, if you're Bill Clinton, permanent amnesia. He not only doesn't remember having sex, he can't even define it." (Jay Leno)

Mr. Coffee Mates: Joe DiMaggio was watching "Dateline NBC" on Sunday when the network announced he was dead. "President Clinton phoned to tell him not to worry. They say the same thing about him each morning on the 'Today' show." (Argus Hamilton)

Doctor, Doctor: The man who got the first U.S. hand transplant was able to move a finger. "He moved one finger shortly after getting the hospital bill." (Daily Scoop)

BUSH DOLE: George Bush Jr. and Liz Dole currently lead the Republican field of presidential candidates. Dan Quayle is disappointed with his 17 percent showing. He was hoping to be in double digits. (Alan Ray)