My Wife

A serious drunk walked into a bar. After staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, he walked over to her and took a firm hold of her left breast. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."