Things to Learn

By disowning the firstborn sun of the newly formed galaxy and claiming that the child was not his, Lord Carl Sagan goaded the Imperial Court into holding a special session. On the bench sat Kurt Cobain, shawl of ermine, crawling with vermin. As Lord Sagan entered the courtroom, the force detector disabled his weapon and held it frozen in midair as the judge levied a 400 kreble fine. The enraged Sagan screamed a curse that was cut short by a blinding flash of light: Sagan had vanished and there stood Jodie Foster, totally naked and urgently urinating into a tubular bell held upright by a smiling Ronald Reagan. That's all I could remember when I woke up in the hospital. I bet I never stick a barbecue fork into the vent holes of my monitor again.