A Letter to Dad

Dear Dad,

Thanks for the money to begin the second semester with. The only trouble is, I graduated yesterday. I know it's sort of a surprise, with me being an entering freshman only several months ago. It was sort of a surprise to me, too.

I went to register yesterday and when they gave me my IBM cards they said I had enough credit hours to graduate and sent me to the dean to get my diploma. The only thing I can think of is that when I stepped on my cards with my golf shoes last fall they got messed up. Anyway, I was given a 8-553-22 today. A diploma. I went to see the dean and he said not to tell him his machines were wrong, with 56,000 students in them.

Anyway, I got a B.A. in philosophy. I don't know if I should stay in chemistry now or not. What do you think? I know you were quite interested in me working in the drugstore, but I don't know what to do. I tried to re-enter as a second-quarter freshman but they said they wouldn't take graduates. I tried to get into graduate school, but they needed references from five undergraduate teachers and I only had three.

Last night I started to call, but I didn't want to worry you about it, since I'm a graduate now and should be able to take care of myself. So today I went down to the Army place. They're looking for college graduates to be officers. I did OK on the tests, so I guess I'll go in there for a while. I seem to fit in pretty well. They said they'd teach me some philosophy. I brought a book with me.

I hope everything's fine at the drugstore.

Sincerely, Johnny

P.S. Tell Mom not to send those cookies. Tell her that her child is "watching over the country."