In The News ...

How's The Weather: It's been confirmed that 1998 was the warmest year on record and that it could get even hotter in 1999. "Which is something President Clinton's known all along." (Ira Lawson)

A Higher Power: Elizabeth Dole says she's praying to figure out whether to run for president. "After hearing this, Bob Dole said, "I hope she's praying to a different God than the guy who told me to run.'" (Conan O'Brien)

Think About It: The National Security Agency banned Furbys from its buildings because of the risk the dolls could record what's said in the office. "Does it make you feel safe knowing the people in charge of our security like playing with dolls?" (Daily Scoop)

A Bad Tripp: Linda Tripp was named one of the worst-dressed women of 1998. "Apparently she was singled out because her shoes never matched her recording device." (O'Brien)

Must See: NBC's newly appointed Entertainment President Scott Sassa says he wants to see sex portrayed in NBC programs with more words between "Hello" and "Will you sleep with me." ... I think the words are Chevrolet, Coca Cola, Toyota, and Budweiser. ... He's calling it "Must Plea TV," I think... ... Don't we already have a TV network putting more words between "Hello" and "Will you sleep with me?" I think it's called C-SPAN. (Steve Voldseth)

That's Cold: Washington, D.C., is recovering from a frigid storm that covered the city in ice. "The storm has become affectionately known as Hurricane Hillary." (Jerry Perisho)

There Oughta Be a Law: A child-welfare activist in Oakland wants the city to declare itself a no-spanking zone. "What should be banned is the expression, 'This will hurt me more than it'll hurt you.'" (Daily Scoop)

Do the Math: Rod Stewart and his wife, supermodel Rachel Hunter, have separated due to irreconcilable differences. "Like for starters, she's 33 and he's 90." (Dennis Miller)

Just A Hug: Jan. 21 was National Hugging Day. Or as the Clintons call it, "Thursday." (Steve Voldseth)

Peel This: Dan Quayle has announced his candidacy for President of the United States. "Just when you thought things could not get worse ... I can't wait to see his State of the Onion address." (Bill Maher)

Biting Remarks: Mike Tyson's boxing license was reinstated as Magic Johnson and Muhammad Ali stood up with him. "Next, they'll tell the House Judiciary Committee that they believe President Clinton is fit to start dating again." (Argus Hamilton)

The Numbers Game: According to a new survey, men in their 20s picked Pamela Anderson as their fantasy date while guys in their 30s preferred Sandra Bullock. "Men in their 40s picked women their age minus 20 years." (Andrew Wisot)

If It Doesn't Fit ...: L.A. County prosecutors want O.J. Simpson's daughter Arnelle to pay $130,000 to repair damages she caused while driving drunk. "She's fighting the claim but promises a worldwide search for the real driver." (Perisho)

Spaced Out: A North Carolina man says he's invented a UFO detector that he's selling for $15. "The device also doubles as an imbecile detector. If you buy one, you're an imbecile." (Lawson)

History Lesson: Oliver Stone will direct "Marching to Valhalla," a film about Gen. George Custer's last stand. "According to Stone, Custer's real killer was hidden from sight at Little Big Horn behind the Little Big Grassy Knoll." (Alex Kaseberg)

Scary Store: Kroger's purchase of Oregon giant, Fred Meyer stores will make it USA's largest supermarket chain ... They plan to open the first combined store on Halloween and call it "Freddy Kroger's. (Bill Williams)

Scary Spice: I think ex-Spice Girl Geri Halliwell is taking her recently awarded U.N. Goodwill ambassadorship a little too seriously. She's now insisting that everyone call her Boutros Boutros Spice. (Voldseth)

Bomb Attack: Actor Kevin Costner will star in "13 Days," a film about the Cuban missile crisis. "He's perfect for the part. Who knows more about cinematic bombs than Costner?" (Perisho)