For Those in Need of Tag Lines

God must love morons 'cause there sure are a lot of 'em.

I always keep a coat-hanger in the glove box -- just in case I lock my keys in the car.

The Weather is Here ... Wish You Were Beautiful ...

"In my opinion, she is one of the nicest and greatest women who ever walked the streets." Mae West

"No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public." Phineas T. Barnum

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Join The Army Today! Visit Exotic Places, Meet Interesting People and Then Kill Them!

We do precision guesswork.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.

Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but never got around to it.

My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

I am having an out-of-money experience.

Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it.

If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.

It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).

Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).

When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.

Incontinence Hotline ... Can you hold, please?

Which is the non-smoking lifeboat?

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

Just fill out one simple form to win a Tax Audit!

Grow Your Own Dope - Plant a Politician.

Democracy: Four wolves and a lamb voting on lunch.

The buck doesn't even slow down here!