Incredulous comments and questions about contemporary life

Why don't police cars have a bumper sticker that says "How's my driving?"

Thanks to Clinton appointees, peanut butter is now a controlled substance.

Do you think they'll ever have an award show for the best award shows?

He who espouses family values shouldn't have ex-spouses.

When peanut butter is outlawed, only outlaws will have peanut butter.

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.

Planet Limbaugh rotates backwards in an unchanging orbit and its dense mass creates a gravitational field so strong that light and prejudice cannot escape. No intelligent life is known to survive there.