In The News...

I Want My MTV!: A poll conducted by MTV of young people ages 14-30 revealed that 65 percent of those responding prefer listening to CDs or watching videos, while 13 percent prefer to read. "The results have to be adjusted, though, since a full 27 percent of the participants were unable to read the questionnaire." (Mills)

Cramming Up: Operators of the Chunnel, the underwater tunnel between England and France, reported a loss of $220 million for the first half of the year. Company officials say stingy commuters, who try to save money on the toll by packing several people into the same car, are to blame for the loss. "It's a condition known as 'carpool tunnel syndrome.'" (Ira Lawson)

Capital Hell: "Congress adjourns for the holidays. Congressmen worry about the cold D.C. weather while they're away. Before they leave town, they always cover their mistresses." (Alan Ray)

Happy B-Day, Blockhead: Charlie Brown from the comic strip "Peanuts" turned 48. "He's starting to age a little bit. Remember that curlicue that used to be on his forehead? It's slipped down to the middle of his chest." (Steve Voldseth)

Remember Him?: On this date in 1992, Ross Perot's half-hour informercials drew a larger TV audience than "Seinfeld." "Viewers had the choice between watching a self-absorbed character whose show was about nothing...or 'Seinfeld.'" (Jerry Perisho)

Hear This: President Clinton was refitted for hearing aids over the weekend. "Due to the indiscretions of youth, he has hearing problems. First, there was the Whitewater hearing, then campaign finance hearings and now impeachment hearings." (Argus Hamilton)

In Jeopardy: A senior lighting director was fired from his job on "Jeopardy." "The show is ignoring his union grievance because he did not submit it in the form of a question." (Gary Easley)

Chicken Out: Boston Chicken has filed for bankruptcy. "Analysts say the corporation grew too fast ... and didn't listen to the little chicken who warned 'the stock is falling, the stock is falling.'" (Premiere Radio)

Big Suck-Up: An Arlington, Va., woman is donating a kidney to her boss. "Would you donate an organ to your boss? Is it before or after your yearly evaluation?" (Premiere)

Happy Hour: Northwest Airlines has been giving out free drink coupons to its passengers as an apology for its recent strike, but flight crews are upset about it. "They're concerned that passengers will get more rowdy on board. Besides, it cuts into the booze usually set aside for the pilots." (Ira Lawson)

Brought to You by ... The PBS children's show "Sesame Street" is under fire for accepting corporate sponsors for the first time. "In fact, some of the most vocal critics are the show's own stars: Kermit the Budweiser Frog, Vlasic Pickle Me Elmo, Big Bird's-Eye, Oreo Cookie Monster and Miss Piggly Wiggly." (Voldseth)

One Silly Calorie: "PepsiCo is going to introduce a new one-calorie cola called Pepsi One ... or as Calista Flockhart calls it, 'dinner.'" (Zack Taylor, Westwood One Radio Network)