Women on Whatever

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb ... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -- Dolly Parton

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -- Erica Jong

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours. -- Rita Rudner

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job. -- Roseanne

This guy says, " I'm perfect for you, cause I'm a cross between a macho and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?" -- Judy Tenuta

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. -- Phyllis Diller

He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant. -- Carol Leifer

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -- Wendy Liebman

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. -- Erma Bombeck

If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. -- Sue Grafton

I'm not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on. -- Roseanne

I think -- therefore I'm single. -- Lizz Winstead

When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. --Elayne Boosler

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. -- Gilda Radner

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -- Maryon Pearson

Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel. -- Bella Abzug

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -- Gloria Steinem

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. -- Katherine Hepburn

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. -- Marie Corelli

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? -- Linda Ellerbee