Things I have Learned:

Having gained a few pounds, I squeezed into a pair of old jeans. I wondered if my added weight was noticeable, so I asked my husband, "Honey do these jeans make me look like a side of the house?" "No, dear, not at all," he replied, "our house isn't blue."

The trouble with growing old is having to listen to your children's advice.

That when your wife answers "nothing" when you ask her what's wrong, you're in deep trouble.

That when you want a garment to shrink, it won't, and when you don't, it will come out of the dryer and fit your cat.

That first-graders are the only ones who think it's neat when their teeth fall out.

That of all the bad four-letter words, DIET is the worst, followed by WORK.

That if these are supposed to be the best years of my life, I'm in for one bumpy ride.

That if you leave clothes in the ironing pile long enough, you'll outgrow them and you can sell them in a yard sale.