Signs

Sign in a non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

Sign on the door of the maternity ward: "Push Push Push."

Sign on fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."

Sign at a hotel. "Help! We need inn-experienced people."

Sign in a science teacher's room: "If it moves, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics."

Sign in an office: "We shoot every third salesman, and the second one just left."

Sign in a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in five minutes. Sit! Stay!"

Sign in beauty shop window: "Dye now!"

Sign at a computer store: "Out for a quick byte."

Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."