In The News...

Dress For Success: "People magazine has come out with their 'best- dressed' list for 1998 which includes Cameron Diaz, Sandra Bullock and Sean 'Puffy' Combs. ... See next week's issue for the 'best-left- dressed' list which includes Sen. Ted Kennedy, Linda Tripp and perennial favorite, Roseanne." (Bill Williams)

Extra! Extra!: It was 165 years ago this week that the very first newspaper delivery boy was hired. "Before that, people had to toss their own papers in the bushes." (Steve Voldseth)

Planters Warning: The Department of Transportation will require airlines to designate "peanut-free zones" on flights after learning that one in 1,000 people is deathly allergic to peanuts. "Sounds like what they need over at the Department of Transportation are 'peanut- head-free' zones." (Johnny Robish)

Dr. Naughty: A New York City doctor has been charged with blindfolding and tying up his girlfriend, then injecting her with a drug. "It's the first case of a doctor performing a procedure and not charging for it." (Williams)

The Purple One: There's apparently a report going around that the Artist Formerly Known as Prince got into some kind of scuffle with the group Aqua at a show in Europe. "He got upset when they called him by his other name -- 'The Artist Formerly Known as Popular.'" (Wisot)

Pop Curriculum: American Heritage magazine says U.S. history is being poorly taught. Teachers rely too much on pop culture. "California kids are taught that Ponce de Leon landed in Florida in 1519 seeking the Fountain of Viagra." (Argus Hamilton)

Stepping Up: A recent high school graduate in Arizona is running for the school board. "If she's elected, tutors will be available for board members needing assistance in understanding any big words she uses." (David Christensen)

Business as Usual: A small bird flew into the cockpit of a United Airlines plane at Dulles International Airport, causing a three-hour delay for a flight full of London-bound passengers. "But their luggage arrived in Tokyo on time." (Paul Ecker)

Out of Habit: In Arizona, a fence contractor accidentally put barbed wire around a high school instead of a chain-link fence. "It was an understandable mistake: He was from L.A." (Rudolph J. Cecera)

FOOTBALL: "The NFL season has begun. The Dallas Cowboys will appear four times on Monday nights this year. Twice on ABC. And twice on Judge Judy." (Alan Ray)

The Night Before: The FDA has approved the so-called morning-after birth control pills. "All the testing was done on women. You think that's sexist? See, it's not sexist. It's just that men usually aren't around the morning after." (Jay Leno)

Bad Boys: Republican Rep. Dan Burton, who recently called President Clinton a "scumbag," admitted fathering a child out of wedlock. "When the Democrats learned about his adulterous affair, they demanded, 'Hey, you gotta join our party! This is where the action is!" (Leno)