Headlines From Around The World

"Would the congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the church labeled 'For The Sick' is for monetary donations only."

"Will the person who took a slice of cake from the commissioner's office return it immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case."

A young girl, who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth, was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A Coast Guard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common these days."

Pounds to Save Prostitutes: " ... the money will not be going directly into the prostitutes' pockets, but will be used to encourage them to lead a better life. We will be training them for new positions in hotels."

"We apologise for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr. Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force.' This was a typographical error. We meant, of course, that Mr. Nicolme is a detective in the police farce."